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Agony Uncle - Advice On Life From Pissed Engineers

Introduction

We are fed up with mamby-pamby agony aunts on TV and in woman’s magazines and their silly illogical, soppy over-emotional advice. We don’t think that many of them are in any way qualified to dish out advice on your problems. Let us do that for you - in a fully public forum! Your problems will be put to our panel of engineers, our spouses and general hangers-on during our pub nights. The impeccable combination of scientifically trained engineering minds and many pints of best bitter are, in our humble opinions, the best route to simple matter of fact solutions to life’s intractable problems.

Send us Your Problems

your issues can be sent by e-mail to agony@stensones.com and will be considered by the inebriated panel of "experts", then when we reach a consensus, your problem (anonymously) and our response will be published on this page for all to see.

I am frequently depressed and also stressed by my job, and find a cocktail of drink and drugs to be the only thing that gets me through the week. Please help me.

"C" from Cottingham.

Pull yourself together man! Just get out and visit your friends, or failing that drop your trousers and have a good wank. That always make the world seem a better place.

I am a total hermit, I seem unable to get of my arse and visit my friends. Please help.

"J" from Brough.

Pull yourself together man! Just get out and visit your friends, or failing that drop your trousers and have a good wank. That always make the world seem a better place.

I met a woman the other night and brought her home. I was slightly pissed. I think she spiked my drink cause I cant remember a thing, until I woke in severe pain(my penis). On inspection I removed a peanut from inside my piss pipe. WHAT THE F...HAPPENED?

"BD"

Remember when out on a date remember to use your Rohypnol first in order to avoid such embarrassment, alternatively avoid picking up woman from S&M bars.

I recently seem to have become a red neck hick, spending all my time on tree felling kit, and even naming my axes ("sharpy" is my favourite). Is this normal

"C" from Cottingham

You are sailing dangerously close to "Psycho" territory. Stop it now. However I would not panic unless you find yourself buying a chainsaw, if you slip this far you are definitely going hat-stand.

Remember we are not qualified, and you follow our advice at your own risk. you have been warned!