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My current Favourite Limerick

A vice most obscene & unsavoury
held the Bishop of Gloucester in slavery -
with horrible howls he would bugger young owls,
which he kept in an undergound aviary!

Kevin J

Limericks thought up in the pub. Bad taste, poor English, bad rhymes, profanities a-go-go, suspect syllable counts. Best get drunk before reading them. Think you can do better? Then submit your own here

Oh dear, some of have had a go. I thought mine were bad! You can’t spell, can’t rhyme, and some of you don’t seem to understand the concept of the limerick! So about up to par with my earlier examples then!

Now since most of you don’t seem to know what a limerick is this is the definition from dictionary.com:

A light humorous, nonsensical, or bawdy verse of five anapestic lines usually with the rhyme scheme aabba.

This is apparently rather advanced for most of you! In my humble opinion Benny Doherty is by far the most prolific author of less than correct limericks (well done!). Have a look at the latest submissions (at the bottom of the page) if you doubt me!

Oh help, I name and shame and what happens? I get another four limericks from Benny overnight! Still at least the rhyming pattern is correct now, besides flattery works wonders.


There was a young lady from Ealing
Devoid of all sexual feeling
'till a fellow named Boris
found her Clitoris
and now they can't get her down from the ceiling

Craig


There was once a girl from East Pimm.
Renowned for the size of her quim.
Yet It wasn't the size that attracted the flies
But the crystallised come round the rim.

Ray in Dorset


There once was a young man named Fisk
Whose fucking was terribly brisk
So fast was his action
The Fitzgerald Contraction Shrank his penis right down to a disk

Robert Wolfson


My wife is one hell of a whore,
She would lie on the rug on the floor,
With her manner uncanny,
she'd wiggle her fanny,
And drain my balls to the core.


In Jamaica under the sea,
Selling condoms for 99p,
Big or small, whatever you pick,
All depending on the size of your dick.


inside lies a booger so huge
could pick it with a baton rouge
or any old stick,
just not your dick
because it's too hard to use

Preston


From the crypt of the Church of St. Giles
Came a scream that carried for miles
Said the Vicar, "Good Gracious,
Has Brother Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

Rod Near SFO


There once was a lady from Sydney,
Who could take it right up to her kidney,
Til the man from Quebec shoved it up to her neck,
Well he had big one now didn't he!!??

Rob the Baptist


There once was a man from Bonaire,
who was doing his wife on the stair,
when the banister broke,
he doubled his stroke,
and finished her off in midair.

Declan


There once was a fellow McSweeny,
who spilled some gin on his weenie,
just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
then slipped his girlfriend a martini.

Declan


There once was a plumber from Lee,
who was plumbing his girl by the sea,
she said "Stop your plumbing", "there's somebody coming",
said the plumber still plumbing "It' me!"

Declan


There was a young woman named Sally,
who loved an occasional dally,
she sat on the lap, of a well endowed chap,
and said "You're right up my alley!"

Declan


There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, "You're a tight one."
She said, "Pardon my soul, but you're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right one"

Declan


A dirty old monk from Dundee,
buggered a nun under a tree,
while deep in her ass,
he chanted High Mass,
and even the Pope came to see.

Declan


There was a young nun from Siberia
Who had a virgin interior
Until a dirty old monk Jumped into her bunk
And now she's a mother superior

Declan


There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
As he dreamt of Venus he played with his penis
And woke up with a handful of goo.

TripNaked


The boy stood on the burning deck
His pocket full of crackers
A spark flew down between his legs
and blew off both his knackers

Roger


There was a girl called bell
who had a peculiar smell
I went downstairs
Smelled her hairs
It was like an old fish shell

Sime Wilex


I once knew a girl called bell
Who had a peculiar smell
When I went downstairs
Then smelt her hairs
It was like an old fish shell

Sime Wilex


There was an old man from China
Who wasn't a very good climber.
He slipped on a rock,
Fell on his cock.
And now he's got a vagina!

Steve


There was a young man from Manchuria
Who slept with a girl from Siluria
The unfortunate chap
Not only got clap
Bur hematoporphyrinuria


There was an old girl from Devizes
Brought up at the local assizes
For teaching young boys
Matrimonial joys
And giving them blow jobs as prizes


There was a young woman at sea
Who said "Ooh how it hurts me to pee"
"Aha" said the mate
"That accounts for the state
Of the Purser, the Captain and me"


There were three old women of Kent
Who took a young man in their tent.
The dirty old witches,
They pulled down his britches,
And pulled at his knob till it bent.


There once was a Manchester copper
Who had a prick which was a whopper.
Went twice round the bed
And twice round his head
And stuck up his arse like a stopper


There was a young woman from Yale
Who offered her body for sale
For the sake of the blind
She had her behind
Tattood with her prices in braille


There was a young girl from the Cape
Who had an affair with an ape.
The result it was horrid
All arse and no forehead
And one of its balls was a grape


There was a young man from Siberia
Whose motives were low and ulterior
He's done to a nun
What none should have done
And made her a mother superior


There once was a king of Siam
Said for fucking I don't give a damn
But give me the joy
Of a round bottomed boy
You may call me a bugger. I am!


Then up spake the Bey of Algiers
Who said to his wives "Now my dears,
You may think it odd o' me
I've given up sodomy"
(Cries of "Good, Good old Bey, Threee loud cheers")


Then we heard from an aged mahout
Who said "Fucking's all right I've no doubt
But I just shoot my spunk
Up my elephant's trunk."
(Cries of "Shame! Fucking hell! Chuck him out!")


There once was a student at Trinity
Who sullied his sister's virginity.
He buggered his brother
Gave twins to his mother
Then got a degree in Divinity


In the midst of sexual contortion
Despite contraceptive precaution
Poor little Ermintrude
Let one little sperm intrude
D'you know a good man for abortion?


A lesbian girl from Khartoum
Took a gay young man up to her room.
At the start of the night
She said "Let's get this right.
Who does what? And with which? And to whom?"


There was an old bishop from Buckingham
Who spoke of young girls and of fucking 'em
But a bishop from Wales
Took the wind from his sails
When he spoke of young boys and of sucking 'em

Mike


A young fellow one day feeling gingery
Made a hole in his sister's best lingerie
Then he pinched her behind,
And made up his mind
To add incest to insult to injury

Mike


There was a young feller called Tarr
Had a habit of goosing his ma
Go pester your sister
She said when he kissed her
Ive trouble enough with you pa

Mike


There was a young lady from Twickenham
Loved penises, never grew sick of em
She knelt on her sod
And prayed to her God
To lenghen and strengthen and thicken em

Mike


Another old bishop from Buckingham
Would stand on the footbridge at Rockingham
Watching the stunts
Of the cunts in the punts
And the tricks of the pricks who were fucking em

Mike


There was an old sailor from Wales
an expert in pissing in gales
He could piss in a jar
From a topgallant spar
Without ever wetting the sails

Mike


There once was a demon named Carol
Who found out her husband was sterile
She became very cruel
and made fun of his tool
So now his nickname is Cheryl.

Alexander Frazier


A large-breasted lady from Leeds
Was incredibly fond of her tweeds
Her smart tartan bra
Was the largest by far
Yet still didn't cover her needs

John R


There once was a lady from Lod
Who thought babies all came from God But 'twas not the Almighty
That lifted her nightie
But Roger the lodger - the sod.

Mike Maggs


There once was a lady named Jane
Who liked sex just now and again
And again and again and again and again
And again and again and again

Mike Maggs


There once was a man from Ghent
Whose penis was withered and bent
Too save him much trouble
He put it in double
But instead of cumming he went

Mike Maggs


There once was a poet named Dan
Whose poetry just didn't scan
When told this was so
He replied "Yes, I know"
"But I always try to get as many words in the last line as I possibly can"

Mike Maggs


A young man named Paul late one night
woke up with a terrible fright
At the end of his bed
Stood a ghost with no head
His pants he filled right up with shite

Gary Heppenstall


Here lies the body of Huey Rick.
Who was blessed at birth with a corkscrew dick.
He spent his life in futile hunt,
Of a woman with a corksrew cunt.
At last he found her, but fell over dead.
That son-of-a-bitch was a left hand thread!

Holly


There were two men from Jalpoor
who were buggering and fucking the same whore
But the partition split
And jizz and shit
fell out in great heaps on the floor

NOG


There was a vamipre named Mable
Who's Menstrual cycle was stable
so every full moon
with the aid of a spoon
she drank her self under the table

NOG


There was a young man from Australia
On his arse tattooed an azalea.
An exquisite design
And the color was fine,
But the smell, oooh, there was the failure.

Charles Austin Miller


There was a young man from Dum Bass
Whose balls were made out of brass.
When he banged 'em together
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his ass.

Charles Austin Miller


There was a young lady in sales
On her chest tattooed prices of ales,
While upon her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Precisely the same thing in Braille.

Charles Austin Miller


There was a lady called Alice
Who's pussy was the size of a palace
She could fit in two or even a few
As long as they didn't have callus

William Garner


there once was a slut from vancouver,
who took 20 blokes to do her,
they all filled her up,
she drank it from a cup,
then they all stood there n boo'd her.

adz


There was a young gaucho named Bruno
Who said "If there is one thing I do know,
A woman is fine, a donkey devine,
But the llama is numero uno"

Nick Harmer


There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
Each night he would screw her
and she smelt like a sewer
But think of the money he saved!

Jodie Ellen


I once knew a lady who wore red shoes
She spent all my money & drank all my booze
She didn't have a cherry
But that's not a sin
She still had the box that the cherry came in!

Jodie Ellen


There was a young lady from Ealing
Devoid of all sexual feeling
'till a fellow named Boris
found her Clitoris
and now they can't get her down from the ceiling

Craig


There was young man called Ray
who took a slow boat to China one day
he was chained to the tiller with a sex starved gorilla
and China is a hell of a way

Paul Golby


There was a young man called Hunt.
With his dick he could do a slick stunt.
His versatile spout could be turned inside out
like a glove and be used as a cunt

Sandy Beach


The naughty old Bishop of Birmingham
fucked little girls while confirming 'em
Midst roars of applause
he tore down their drawers
and popped the episcopal sperm in 'em

J Peasmold Gruntfuttock (a.k.a David Wharton)


There was a young lady from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
there were cress and tomatoes
right up to her garters
and her fanny was all covered with weeds

J Peasmold Gruntfuttock


A couple of Lesbians from Bude
Got on a Tram in the Nude
They paid for their Fares
With two Pubic Hairs
And an Act that was Incredibly Rude

Roger The Lodger


There was a young girl called Annie
who had a peculiar fanny
she went to the doc
he said thats a cock
now everyone calls her Danny.

Mr L P Chamberlain


A wise man from Ballyfoyle
Kept snagging his dear wife's coil.
She'd forsook the good book,
So her shitter he took
And withdrew all smirched in her soil

Charlie BS


There was an old man from Limmerick Who searched for a dog with a slimmer dick Than the brutal Alsatian Whose stinging sensation Meant he needed to give his rim a lick.

Charlie BS


There was an old man from Hucking Who purchased some poultry for fucking But chicken aren't meant To be fucked in the vent Which explained the horrible clucking.

Charlie BS


There was a young man from Bombay
who made a false fanny from clay
but the heat from his dick
turned the cunt to a brick
and wore all his foreskin away

Paul (edited so it scans!)


There once was a woman named Lyn
Who could stretch her flaps to her chin
While airing day in a glorious way
She was swept away in the wind

Drew and Brett


there once was a man from newcastle
who wraped up a shit in a parcel
he sent it by train with a note to explain
that it came from his grandmothers arsehole

nanna


There was an old man from Goshem
Who Pulled out his balls to washem
his mother said jack if you dont put the back,
i will stand on the fuckers and squashem


A vice most obscene & unsavoury
held the Bishop of Gloucester in slavery -
with horrible howls he would bugger young owls,
which he kept in an undergound aviary!

Kevin J


There was a young lady from Izores,
who’s fanny was covered in sores,
the dogs in the street,
wouldn’t eat the green meat,
on the bits that hung down from her drawers.

Neil G


There was an old man from Harrow
Who tried to have sex with a sparrow.
The sparrow said "No,
You can’t have a go,
As the hole in my arse is too narrow".

Smudge


It was a fine day in June
It must have been mid afternoon
As time flew by
I let out a sigh
And decided to go to the saloon

Pic


little miss chuffit
sat on my tuffit
eating my curds and whahey
she swallowed a lump
let out a big pump
and smelt bad the rest of the day.

Kalpesh Vadera


i am a little girl
i have a little thing
when i go to bed i put my finger in
now i am much older my thing has lost its charm
now it takes 5 finger and half my f***ing arm

Klara Dobison (She says "its not really limeric but its gud")


i am a jamaican
i live in a tree
i sell rubber jonnies for 99p
some for a fiver and some for a bob
it all depends on the size of your knob

Klara Dobison (She says "its not really limeric but its gud")


in Jamaca under a tree
they sell condoms for under 5p
big ones short ones thin or thick
it all depends on the size of your dick

Becca and katie


There was a young girl named Louise
Who’s pubes hung down to her knees
The crabs got together
To knit her a sweater
So in winter her twat wouldn’t freeze.

From Michelle Roper


There was a young man from Australia
who painted his arse like a dahlia
tuppence a smell
went down very well
but thrupence a lick was a failure

Tracey (with a suggested completion by Craig Rennie and John MacDonald)


There once was a man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Within half and hour
His balls were a flower
And his dick was covered with weeds

David Simpson


There was a gay bishop of Reading
Who gave good advice at a wedding
He said "you will find
If you go in from behind
It makes less of a mess on the bedding"!

Jim Thorne


There was a young man called Nick Cheek,
Whose sphincter was terribly weak.
He went to Ray’s Place,
Where he stuffed his face,
Thus causing his bottom to leak

O’Neill, Stensones and Fosdick


There once was a man from Gosham,
Who took out his bollocks to wash ’em,
His wife said "Jack!,
If you don't put 'em back,
I’ll stand on the bastards and squash ’em!".

Beer Monkey


There was a young lady called Annie,
who kept several pence up her fanny,
If you asked her for change,
She would do something strange,
with a walking stick owned by her granny.

Dave L


There was a young man from Bombay
Who shagged 20 chickens a day
He wouldn’t stop fucking
Till they all started clucking
Then he’d eat all the eggs that they lay


There was a young man for nunkeeling
who had a flat cock that was peeling
he had left it to dangle
and it got stuck in a mangle
and left him with no perceivable feeling!


There once was a fellow called Cheek,
Whose physique was kept at a peak,
but decline due to ale,
late nights without fail,
mean his body is now an antique

Suzanne Nichols


There was a young girl from Neith,
who enjoyed nibbling cock with her teeth,
it wasn’t for fame or love of the game,
but to get to the cheese underneath

Jamie Heath


There was a young man named bill,
who swallowed a dynamite pill,
his heart retired,
his bum backfired,
and his willy shot over the hill

Jamie Heath


There was a young man named Crocket,
who built a 30 foot rocket,
The rocket went bang,
his bollock went twang,
and his prick ended up in his pocket

Jamie Heath


There was a young fellow called Cheek,
Whose bladder was known to be weak,
After too many Stella’s,
He sprayed all us fellas,
And the cheese that he got from the Greek

Steve Taylor


There was a young lad from Westphalia,
Who painted his bum like a dahlia,
Whilst streaking at cricket,
A wasp stung his wicket,
And the whole thing was deemed a great failure.

Chris Wilkinson


There was an old lady from Hubberholme,
Who had oral sex with a rubber gnome,
The silicone dick,
made her feel very sick,
and it squirted all over another gnome

Roy Littlewood & Chris Wilkinson


This was a young fellow named Paul,
Couldn’t rely on his ring-piece at all,
When he sat on the loo,
It went slightly askew,
And splattered some poo on the wall.

Nick Nick Cheek


The was an old codger called Rager,
In an accident lost both his nadgers,
But despite the lack,
Of sperm in his sack,
He still enjoyed growling at badgers.

Nick Cheek


An unfortunate fellow called Pippin,
Indulged in too much Guinness sipping,
His stools were so large,
Some big as a barge,
A definite hazard to shipping.

Nick Cheek


Last week when I went to see Granny,
She showed me her musical fanny,
It played me Beethoven,
Amazed me with Chopin,
And Chopsticks upon the piany.

Nick Cheek


There once was a woman in a pub
who on her breast had the price of ale
and so to be kind to the blind
she had the same in brail

Bobby Smith


My friend Bob sucked on his Nob
all day and all night long
until his friend Pat said
Don’t do it like that
take of that thong and learn from John

John Smith


If you want to be my lover
sex is 50p
condoms are £1.50
buy one
get one free

John Smith


There was a young man called Bob who had rather a peculiar job
he tried smoking a joint but it got to the point
where he couldn’t cope smoking the dope

John Smith


There was a man called bob
who had rather a peculiar shaped nob
it was shaped like a tripod
and smelled like a cod
and about the same size as a rod

John Smith


there was a young maiden called Jill
who tried a dynamite for a thrill
they found her vagina in north Carolina
and bits of her tits in Brazil

Emma French


there once was a man from Kentucky
who wanted to screw with a ducky
as he snuck to the duck
he bit off his fuck
and he said "damn, is my timng sucky"

Dr. monster


There once was a man called Dave
who dug up a whore in a grave
she was mouldy as shit
and missing a tit
but look at the money he saved

WFC Dave


Old mother Riley
she had a fat cow
she wanted to milk it but she didn’t know how
she pulled it’s tail instead of its tits
and old mother Riley got covered in shit!!

Becca and Katie


There once was a man from Beijing,
Who invented the wanking machine.
On the 31st stroke
The fucking thing broke
And whipped his balls into cream.

www.easyrivers.tk


There was an old women with saggy boobs
she always watched the hoobs,
she went for a wee.
but her boob itched from a flea,
and out squirted her milk

Billy


I dreamt I was tickling my grandaddy’s balls with a piece of string and a feather
when he awoke he found it no joke
as he was tanning my arse with leather

Katie and becca


There was a young lady from Eeling who had a peculiar feeling
she lay on her back and opened her crack
and came all over the ceiling

Darren Griffiths


there was a wee man called Hank,
who went to school in a tank,
his teacher came out,
hit him a clout,
he said "fuck off i’m havin a wank"

Benny Doherty


The men who worked in the pits,
Used to cough and splutter in fits,
Sometimes they would take the piss,
And give there wives a kiss,
Before bending over and dropping the shits.

Benny Doherty


My wife was born in the south,
In a pretty town called Louth,
The first time she opened the door,
I thought,"yes,a dirty wee whore"
As she shoved my dick in her mouth

Benny Doherty


next door theres a beautiful cat,
who lies all day asleep on a mat,
her owner’s an old dear,
who suddenly turned queer,
and she shoved the cat up her twat

Benny Doherty


It was a fine day in June
It must have been mid afternoon
As time flew by
I let out a sigh
And decided to go to the saloon


There was an old man from Harrow
Who tried to have sex with a sparrow.
The sparrow said "No,
You can’t have a go,
As the hole in my arse is too narrow".

Smudge


There was a young lady from the Izores,
who’s fanny was covered in sores,
the dogs in the street, wouldn’t eat the green meat,
or the bits that hung down from her drawers.

Neil G


There was a young man from Bombay
who made a false fanny out of clay
but the heat from his dick
turned it into a brick
and wore all his foreskin away

Paul


There was a guy called Pete
Who’s website was a treat
It was full of fun and stories of scum
but not one bum or teat

Ray


There once was a man from Kilcair
Who was doing his wife on the stair
the banister broke while he was mid poke
so he finished her off in the air.

Jason Hope


There once a girl from Kilrealin
Who was thrown into jail for stealing
She layed on her back
And tickled her crack
And came all over the ceiling

Jason Hope


a horny woman named Lil
fucked a dynamite stick for a thrill
they found her vagina in north Carolina
and bits of her tit in Brazil

Emma


My name is Mike
I’m such a dike.
I don’t suck a ball
I suck’m all
They all look alike.

Mike Dugen


The young lady got swept by the tide,
I saved her and was full of pride,
She gave me her thanks,
Along with 2 wanks,
But i really wanted a ride

Benny Doherty


I have a mad uncle called Lexie,
Whose wife Anna was far from sexy,
When he made love to the hag,
He put her head in a bag,
And shagged her big bro’Dexy

Benny Doherty


There was an alien from Mars
Who abducted a man called Lars
He probed the man’s crack
Then Lars probed him back
Now he hangs out in gay bars

Ray


Jude and Kevin were stuck up a tree,
Said Kevin "Jude,I need to pee",
Outta the tree Jude did flip,
On the ground he does strip,
"C’mon bigboy,you can pee over me"

Benny Doherty


I have a new mucker called Jude,
Picks his snotters and has it as food,
He drives a fork truck,
Jims cock he does suck,
Dosnt swallow,hes such a prude.

Benny Doherty


My young nephew,he is called Shay,
Still lookin for his very first lay,
When he looked at his nuts,
He thought they would bust,
So got a hooker and rode her all day.

Benny Doherty


He said i’m king of the rhyme,
Usually pissed on vodka and lime,
I think he’s called Peter,
His dick’s a full metre,
Maybe he’ll show us sometime.

Benny Doherty


big Benny is his name,
snorting Eddie’s powder is his game,
he’s at it all day,
he’s on it all night,
Jesus he even needs a bag to shite!

Jude Proctor


There was a young lady from Leeds,
who swallowed a packet of seeds,
in less than an hour,
her tits were in flower,
and her arse was full of weeds

Laura P


Jude Procter was a lazy sod,
Didn’t give a damn about god,
He hated going to pray,
During mass he roared "HEY"!
"I’m going to become a prod".

Benny Doherty


The hooker next door loves Peter,
His dick is dying to meet her,
He met her when full,
His cock she did pull,
He shot a load more than a litre.

Benny Doherty


There was a young man from Aberystwyth,
Who invited a girl to play whist with,
When they finished with that
they sat on the mat,
And played with the things that they pissed with.

Bazza


There was a old man from Calcutta,
Who was found lying dead in a gutter,
The heat from the sun,
Burned a hole in his bum,
And melted his bollocks like butter.

Andy Woon


There was a young man from Bude,
Who fingered his girlfriend in queues,
A man at the front Said,
"Can I smell a c***?"
Like that, out loud, how rude....

Bob dole


There was a young women from Ealing,
Who had a very bad feeling,
She rolled on her back,
Opened her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling!

Simon Morgan


There once was a man called Dave,
Who dug up a prostitutes grave,
She was as mouldy as shit,
And missing a tit,
But look at the money he saved

Kirsty and Nigel


My neighbour thinks he’s a monk,
But to me he gave a big gonk,
While out earning my pay,
My wife he did lay,
And covered her face with spunk.

Benny Doherty


Oh,Stensones wot a wonderful site,
Posting limericks by day or by night,
The owner is named Cool Peter,
Whose appearance could be neater,
But he says, "I DONT GIVE A SHITE".

Benny Doherty


There was an old man from Dass,
Who’s balls were made out of Brass,
In Windy weather,
they clanked together,
and sparks came out of his ass.


Always pissed I loved my lass Betty,
Both rubbered we wed on a jetty,
But i gave up the beer,
And saw her so clear,
"HOLY FUCK" she looked like a Yeti.

Benny "limerick king" Doherty


The hardest man in my hometown of Derry,
Is a brawler called Crazy Cunt Gerry,
But in a disco last night,
He lost his nuts in a fight,
And became Gerry the Hard Punchin’ Fairy

Benny "limerick king" Doherty


There was once a man from nantucket,
whose cock was so long he could suck it,
he said with a grin,
as he wiped off his chin,
if my arse was a cunt I’d fuck it.

Kieran Denman


There was a young lover of rubbermaid,
Long hours and late nights she slaved,
To make an obscene,
Vibrating machine,
Then locked in her bedroom she stayed!

Tom


when working in cold climes abroad
a fanny’s the thing if you’re bald
the hair from a twat
makes a lovely warm hat
with a button to push if you’re bored

Mr M Clarke


there was a young man from kent,
who wrapped up his dog in a tent,
one day in the sun it ran off with a nun,
and he never worked out why it went

Becca and Katie


there was a young man from trent
who covered his cat with cement
one day in the sun it blew up like a gun
and he never worked out where it went

Becca and Katie


There once was a lady from Crewe Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in
They can pay to get out of it too!"

Justin


There was a man from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
In less than an hour,
His cock was a flower,
And his arse got covered in weeds.

Gaynor Morgan


there once was a man from china,
who wasnt a very good climber,
he sliped on a rock,
and split open his cock,
and now hes got a vagina

Josh Hillman


At last I’ve found a good site.
I’ve been looking all bloody night.
I badly needed porn,
So I could play with my horn,
So this is really a big load of shite.

BENNY "he’s back" DOHERTY


There was an old lady from eeling
who had a perculier feeling
so she opened her crack
and got on her back
and pissed all over the ceiling

Raif Weaver


There once was a man from China,
Who was'nt a very good climber,
He slipped on a rock,
And cut off his cock,
And now he has a vagina.

Charley and Luke and Claire Elise Lewis


There was an old hermit named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in his cave,
He said with a grin,
I know it's a sin,
But think of the money I save!


There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
If my ear were larger I could fuck it!


There once was a young man from Densil,
Whose cock as was sharp as a pencil,
On the night of his wed,
He jumped into bed,
And shattered the bedroom utensil.


There once was a woman begat
Who had triplets called Nat, Pat and Tat.
It was easy breeding,
Though it was hell feeding,
When they weren't enought tit for Tat.

Miss Superman


There once was a young man from Trent,
Whose member was noticeably bent.
When she stroked it he shuddered,
But she only muttered,
"I thought he would come but he went."

Peter Horowitz


There was a young man from Ostend
Who had quite a cheesey bell-end
It smelled of strong gouder
With a hint of clam chowder
And his fromage would tend to offend!

Chris Wilkinson & Justin "Lighning" Hopkins


An unfortunate man from nunkeeling.
who had a flat cock that was healing
he had left it to dangle
and it got stuck in a mangle
and left him with no percievable feeling!

Chris Wilkinson


A old man from Blakey Ridge
Got his balls trapped in a fridge
They've been stuck there for hours
Despite all of his powers
I think they'll drop off in a smidge

Chris Wilkinson


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